I remember sitting down with somebody over coffee listening
to their dreams and passions. They were excited to get involved in ministry,
they were talented, and they were gifted. This is every pastor's dream, to have
a gold mine in front of you wanting to be plugged into an area of ministry and
be about the things that you're about. Immediately I had the rest of their life
planned out in my head. It was going to be great! We were going to reach
people. Our ministry was going to grow, a huge responsibility was taken off my
plate. I could start focusing on the next hole that needed filled in our
ministry... And then...
A few months later they couldn't give as much time, there
were other things they were interested in, they started not showing up all of
the time. I had to scramble to fill a hole again. For this example there are
dozens of examples of people saying, "I'm all in" and 3 months later
they move across the country or even across town to another ministry. I deal
with young adults all of the time who attend church some place on Sunday
another place on Wednesday a small group associated with still another church and on top of that 3 or 4 different campus ministries.
The question I get from pastors and ministers and a question
that I've had to wrestle with myself is, "Why are young adults so
un-committed or seemingly un-faithful?" I've
been a pastor for 9 1/2 years and most of that time I’ve worked with closely
with young adults. In a lot of ways I consider myself a young adult, although
marriage and a child have definitely taken me into a different season of life.
I feel like I can speak to this issue not only because of my “pastoral
experience” but also because I’m not too far off from thinking like young
adult. For the sake of this discussion we probably need to define an age
bracket because “young adult” in my Grandma’s mind may mean something totally
different than young adult in my mind.
I would say 18-35, although broad,
is a good starting place. There are lots of “break the rules situations” like
marriage and children mentioned before. There are circumstances and situations
that “grow” people up faster or keep them “younger” longer. Obviously an 18
year old couple that gets married and has a child in their first year of
marriage is in a different season of life than a 35 year old single man taking
classes at a community college. Just for a frame of reference, I am 32 as of
this writing and I am married with a 14 month old little girl.
I’ve identified at least five
reasons young adults are so un-committed and seemingly un-faithful:
1) They are over committed; they are
spread out way too thin. From church to school to work to family to friends
there is way too much to juggle. They end up with great intentions but a lot of
times lack of follow through.
2) They are very mobile. Most young
adults have very little that ties them down to a particular location. Rarely do
they own a home or a business. Usually they aren’t a senior executive in a
company. Most of the time they aren’t married, but even if they are… with no
kids in the picture it’s relatively easy to move across the country to pursue
an adventure together. Young adults are finally starting to make decisions
outside of the authority structure of the home they grew up in. Lots of times
those decisions include where in the world they want to live. There was a young
man I was mentoring. He had great ministry potential. He gets married, they get
plugged in, and then… they moved across the state.
3) Friendships and relationships
are a huge part of a young adult’s life, especially single young adults. In
fact you find that a lot of times their life is governed by these
relationships. In the context of churches and ministries young adults will
come, stay, and leave all based on these relationships. This is the season for boyfriends
and girlfriends, searching for someone to spend the rest of their life with. If
that relationship breaks up it is often enough for one or both to leave the
church or ministry. The same goes for close friendships that experience hurt or
betrayal.
4) Young adults in general aren’t
committed to “companies” or “organizations”, they are committed or “loyal” to
people. 50 years ago or so it was common for someone to be at the same company
for their whole life, get their pension, and retire. Now young adults switch
jobs and even careers every few years and sometimes after a few months. There
are lots of reasons for that in corporate America including money and
opportunity, but that same tendency spills over into churches and ministries.
For all the reasons listed above young adults will switch churches and
ministries seemingly at the drop of a hat. If they can push past some of those “young
adult tendencies” they still will only stay “long term” because of deep
relationships, loyalty to people, and causes they believe in.
5) In all of this discussion I
believe the number one reason for lack of commitment and faithfulness is they
are searching for purpose and identity. The ones that know “who they are and
why they are” are able to say “yes” to the right things and “no” to the wrong
things. My uncle Ric, when talking about purpose and identity simply asks, “Who
are you and what are you about?” When you can answer those questions you are
able to choose to commit or not to commit to something for the right reasons.
Does this opportunity line up with my purpose and core values? Am I being asked
to do something outside of my gift sets, passions, abilities, and purpose?
Otherwise we have a bunch a people who are round pegs being pounded into square
holes.
As a leader my primary goal with
the people God has entrusted to me is to help them walk out their purpose and
destiny. If I can help them answer “who are you and what are you about?” then
they’ll spend less time floating out there “hoping they’ll land in the right
place”. There will probably always be the tendency for me to plan out their
life in my head and want to plug them into holes in ministry. However, if I
want people around for the long haul I need to create opportunities that fit
them instead of using people just to accomplish “my agenda”. The funny thing
is, at the end of the day, God still moves people on without asking my
permission.
I have been reading a book called "God's Church: Reformed, Re-grafted, Restored to Glory!" It addresses some of the very things mentioned above.
ReplyDeleteIn the midst of all this moving about, the search for value -- "Am I valued? Is my calling valid where I am?" Sometimes that makes or breaks the stay or length of stay, depending on how the overseer(s) consider this one in their midst.
From Lynelle Nelson
ReplyDelete(A facebook message)
I have a little bit of a different opinion. God will always move people on like you said. In my opinion, I don’t think we can define someone searching for identity as a person that "lacks faithfulness" or as "un committed". Our entire life is a process and we are always finding out who we are as we remain open to the Holy Spirit for his guidance.
I don't think longevity should be as much of a goal (as a leader) as it should be to help that person go deeper in their relationship with God while they are under that leader’s guidance. Helping them find where they fit and then releasing them whether that is in the same location or a different one. Planning to keep people for the long haul or working towards that I think most of the time will fail especially when working with young people. They are mobile and will continue to be more mobile as time goes on. Being a pastor is like running a business. People come and go and you hope the good ones stay but its always changing. It’s what you do with the time that is spent with each individual in that season that counts.
I understand what you are trying to say though (if I interpreted your writing right), and I know it can be frustrating to see people come and go. But instead of seeing them as un committed (i mean some are but i'm talking in general), I like to think of them as if they were on a journey and as they grow deeper in the Lord, they will find their place. Then that place will change for some as time goes on and seasons change. Anyway, this is just what I think
Thanks for blogging. It was an interesting topic and Mike and I enjoyed discussing it. We hope we can get together with you all sometime. If you are ever in town again, please let us know. We would love to do coffee or dinner.
Take care! and keep blogging! I hope you don't mind my response.
Lynelle
Here is my response to Lynelle...
DeleteThanks for the response! We would totally love to connect when we're in town next.
I really liked what you added to the discussion. You're right , "longevity" shouldn't be the determining factor of commitment. I should have been clearer The biggest thing is that young adults are viewed or "percieved" as being un-committed when in fact like you say they may just be "on a journey"
I think my goal was to answer that perception as well as adress the fact that there are real reason that affect a persons "ability to commit". The fact is that on our journey if we don't kow who we are and what we're about we'll end up commiting to the wrong things (obviously outside of grace and divine intervention).
Purpose and Identity needs to be part of the discussion, but like you said "commitment" and "longevity" aren't nessesarily synonomous
I was six years in Des Moines and then only a year and a half in Cedar Rapids before moving to nebraska... God knows what He's doing
Blessings!