Why are young adults seemingly un-committed?

I remember sitting down with somebody over coffee listening to their dreams and passions. They were excited to get involved in ministry, they were talented, and they were gifted. This is every pastor's dream, to have a gold mine in front of you wanting to be plugged into an area of ministry and be about the things that you're about. Immediately I had the rest of their life planned out in my head. It was going to be great! We were going to reach people. Our ministry was going to grow, a huge responsibility was taken off my plate. I could start focusing on the next hole that needed filled in our ministry... And then...

A few months later they couldn't give as much time, there were other things they were interested in, they started not showing up all of the time. I had to scramble to fill a hole again. For this example there are dozens of examples of people saying, "I'm all in" and 3 months later they move across the country or even across town to another ministry. I deal with young adults all of the time who attend church some place on Sunday another place on Wednesday a small group associated with still another church and on top of that 3 or 4 different campus ministries.

The question I get from pastors and ministers and a question that I've had to wrestle with myself is, "Why are young adults so un-committed or seemingly un-faithful?" I've been a pastor for 9 1/2 years and most of that time I’ve worked with closely with young adults. In a lot of ways I consider myself a young adult, although marriage and a child have definitely taken me into a different season of life. I feel like I can speak to this issue not only because of my “pastoral experience” but also because I’m not too far off from thinking like young adult. For the sake of this discussion we probably need to define an age bracket because “young adult” in my Grandma’s mind may mean something totally different than young adult in my mind.

I would say 18-35, although broad, is a good starting place. There are lots of “break the rules situations” like marriage and children mentioned before. There are circumstances and situations that “grow” people up faster or keep them “younger” longer. Obviously an 18 year old couple that gets married and has a child in their first year of marriage is in a different season of life than a 35 year old single man taking classes at a community college. Just for a frame of reference, I am 32 as of this writing and I am married with a 14 month old little girl.

I’ve identified at least five reasons young adults are so un-committed and seemingly un-faithful:

1) They are over committed; they are spread out way too thin. From church to school to work to family to friends there is way too much to juggle. They end up with great intentions but a lot of times lack of follow through.

2) They are very mobile. Most young adults have very little that ties them down to a particular location. Rarely do they own a home or a business. Usually they aren’t a senior executive in a company. Most of the time they aren’t married, but even if they are… with no kids in the picture it’s relatively easy to move across the country to pursue an adventure together. Young adults are finally starting to make decisions outside of the authority structure of the home they grew up in. Lots of times those decisions include where in the world they want to live. There was a young man I was mentoring. He had great ministry potential. He gets married, they get plugged in, and then… they moved across the state.

3) Friendships and relationships are a huge part of a young adult’s life, especially single young adults. In fact you find that a lot of times their life is governed by these relationships. In the context of churches and ministries young adults will come, stay, and leave all based on these relationships. This is the season for boyfriends and girlfriends, searching for someone to spend the rest of their life with. If that relationship breaks up it is often enough for one or both to leave the church or ministry. The same goes for close friendships that experience hurt or betrayal.

4) Young adults in general aren’t committed to “companies” or “organizations”, they are committed or “loyal” to people. 50 years ago or so it was common for someone to be at the same company for their whole life, get their pension, and retire. Now young adults switch jobs and even careers every few years and sometimes after a few months. There are lots of reasons for that in corporate America including money and opportunity, but that same tendency spills over into churches and ministries. For all the reasons listed above young adults will switch churches and ministries seemingly at the drop of a hat. If they can push past some of those “young adult tendencies” they still will only stay “long term” because of deep relationships, loyalty to people, and causes they believe in.

5) In all of this discussion I believe the number one reason for lack of commitment and faithfulness is they are searching for purpose and identity. The ones that know “who they are and why they are” are able to say “yes” to the right things and “no” to the wrong things. My uncle Ric, when talking about purpose and identity simply asks, “Who are you and what are you about?” When you can answer those questions you are able to choose to commit or not to commit to something for the right reasons. Does this opportunity line up with my purpose and core values? Am I being asked to do something outside of my gift sets, passions, abilities, and purpose? Otherwise we have a bunch a people who are round pegs being pounded into square holes.

As a leader my primary goal with the people God has entrusted to me is to help them walk out their purpose and destiny. If I can help them answer “who are you and what are you about?” then they’ll spend less time floating out there “hoping they’ll land in the right place”. There will probably always be the tendency for me to plan out their life in my head and want to plug them into holes in ministry. However, if I want people around for the long haul I need to create opportunities that fit them instead of using people just to accomplish “my agenda”. The funny thing is, at the end of the day, God still moves people on without asking my permission.

Free Speech, Love, & Homosexuality

Over the past few days I have heard three different arguments all centered around the same topic. From posts I've read to people I've listened to it seems that people are gravitating to one of the three arguments to take a stand for truth as they see it. There is no greater potential for error then to focus on a part rather than a whole. As a pastor I'd like to share my perspective, but more importantly I’d like to disclose what the Bible has to say about all of this.

First of all is the "Freedom of speech" argument. This whole thing spun into motion because a man, who owns a large fast food chain (Chick-fil-a), shared his opinion, when asked, of a biblical perspective of marriage. That perspective being that marriage should be between a man and a woman. I personally agree with what he said, but this goes far beyond what the man said. First, was he free to say what he wanted to say? Yes. Was he hateful in what is said? No. I think a lot of times people use their freedom of speech to say hateful, mean things, but this wasn't one of those times. It was actually a very light and tame statement that would have been ignored if he were a pastor, but made headline news because he runs a major corporation. As a pastor I thank God for freedom of speech, I regularly exercise that right as I stand in the pulpit on Sunday mornings. It's interesting though, the Bible says that Jesus only said what he heard his father say, and he only did what he saw his father do. As Christians we really don't have the "freedom" to just say what we want without first filtering it through the Holy Spirit and Scripture.

The second argument came in response to people standing in line at Chick-fil-a to show support of the man and the restaurant. The thought circling social media was, "As Christians we need to love homosexuals and by standing in line to show support of Chick-fil-a we are spreading hate". Now, I didn't stand in line and so I don't have an accurate picture of what really went down, but I can imagine. I imagine some people who hate gays were in line, I imagine some people who wanted to stand for freedom of speech were in line, and I imagine some people who really like chicken were in line. I propose that hate or at least the lack of showing love would be rooted in the motives to stand in line rather than the act of standing, for the simple reason that people were there for different reasons. I have no problem with people taking a stand to love and support their gay friends, I would do the same. The Bible is very clear about the topic of loving one another; it even goes so far as to tell us to love our enemies... love really is the answer. I draw the line at accepting a person's sin. There are many people that I deeply love, but I don't accept or approve of their sin and lifestyle. This brings me to the third argument...

Is homosexuality a sin? Yes it is. 1 Corinthians 6:9 says, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites,..." and then Romans 1:18-32 is a strong passage about homosexuality. The problem is that by me making that statement people will automatically think that I hate homosexuals, which is farthest from the truth. I also believe lying, stealing, murder, sex before marriage, etc. are sins. I counsel people every week that struggle in some of these areas or others, and I love them. My love doesn't go so far as to make room for their sin, but rather I love them in spite of their sin. In fact my own struggle with sin and weakness allows me to operate with the same love and grace that Jesus has shown me. As a Christian there is not a middle ground on homosexuality being a sin. You are either on one side or the other. The danger here is to approve of sin as an act of love. But in reality that’s not love at all. Love is speaking truth into a situation tangled in deception. Our culture has taken a sin and turned it into a people group, a social agenda, and an acceptable lifestyle. The fact is that all sin leads to spiritual and physical death.

I don't know that my writing this will change anything, but Pastors and leaders need to speak truth into a culture that doesn't believe in absolute truth. We need to love people passionately and intensely towards a savior that offers hope and freedom. And lastly, we need to recognize opportunities to take a stand on issues that divide even if it’s not popular.