Why are young adults seemingly un-committed?

I remember sitting down with somebody over coffee listening to their dreams and passions. They were excited to get involved in ministry, they were talented, and they were gifted. This is every pastor's dream, to have a gold mine in front of you wanting to be plugged into an area of ministry and be about the things that you're about. Immediately I had the rest of their life planned out in my head. It was going to be great! We were going to reach people. Our ministry was going to grow, a huge responsibility was taken off my plate. I could start focusing on the next hole that needed filled in our ministry... And then...

A few months later they couldn't give as much time, there were other things they were interested in, they started not showing up all of the time. I had to scramble to fill a hole again. For this example there are dozens of examples of people saying, "I'm all in" and 3 months later they move across the country or even across town to another ministry. I deal with young adults all of the time who attend church some place on Sunday another place on Wednesday a small group associated with still another church and on top of that 3 or 4 different campus ministries.

The question I get from pastors and ministers and a question that I've had to wrestle with myself is, "Why are young adults so un-committed or seemingly un-faithful?" I've been a pastor for 9 1/2 years and most of that time I’ve worked with closely with young adults. In a lot of ways I consider myself a young adult, although marriage and a child have definitely taken me into a different season of life. I feel like I can speak to this issue not only because of my “pastoral experience” but also because I’m not too far off from thinking like young adult. For the sake of this discussion we probably need to define an age bracket because “young adult” in my Grandma’s mind may mean something totally different than young adult in my mind.

I would say 18-35, although broad, is a good starting place. There are lots of “break the rules situations” like marriage and children mentioned before. There are circumstances and situations that “grow” people up faster or keep them “younger” longer. Obviously an 18 year old couple that gets married and has a child in their first year of marriage is in a different season of life than a 35 year old single man taking classes at a community college. Just for a frame of reference, I am 32 as of this writing and I am married with a 14 month old little girl.

I’ve identified at least five reasons young adults are so un-committed and seemingly un-faithful:

1) They are over committed; they are spread out way too thin. From church to school to work to family to friends there is way too much to juggle. They end up with great intentions but a lot of times lack of follow through.

2) They are very mobile. Most young adults have very little that ties them down to a particular location. Rarely do they own a home or a business. Usually they aren’t a senior executive in a company. Most of the time they aren’t married, but even if they are… with no kids in the picture it’s relatively easy to move across the country to pursue an adventure together. Young adults are finally starting to make decisions outside of the authority structure of the home they grew up in. Lots of times those decisions include where in the world they want to live. There was a young man I was mentoring. He had great ministry potential. He gets married, they get plugged in, and then… they moved across the state.

3) Friendships and relationships are a huge part of a young adult’s life, especially single young adults. In fact you find that a lot of times their life is governed by these relationships. In the context of churches and ministries young adults will come, stay, and leave all based on these relationships. This is the season for boyfriends and girlfriends, searching for someone to spend the rest of their life with. If that relationship breaks up it is often enough for one or both to leave the church or ministry. The same goes for close friendships that experience hurt or betrayal.

4) Young adults in general aren’t committed to “companies” or “organizations”, they are committed or “loyal” to people. 50 years ago or so it was common for someone to be at the same company for their whole life, get their pension, and retire. Now young adults switch jobs and even careers every few years and sometimes after a few months. There are lots of reasons for that in corporate America including money and opportunity, but that same tendency spills over into churches and ministries. For all the reasons listed above young adults will switch churches and ministries seemingly at the drop of a hat. If they can push past some of those “young adult tendencies” they still will only stay “long term” because of deep relationships, loyalty to people, and causes they believe in.

5) In all of this discussion I believe the number one reason for lack of commitment and faithfulness is they are searching for purpose and identity. The ones that know “who they are and why they are” are able to say “yes” to the right things and “no” to the wrong things. My uncle Ric, when talking about purpose and identity simply asks, “Who are you and what are you about?” When you can answer those questions you are able to choose to commit or not to commit to something for the right reasons. Does this opportunity line up with my purpose and core values? Am I being asked to do something outside of my gift sets, passions, abilities, and purpose? Otherwise we have a bunch a people who are round pegs being pounded into square holes.

As a leader my primary goal with the people God has entrusted to me is to help them walk out their purpose and destiny. If I can help them answer “who are you and what are you about?” then they’ll spend less time floating out there “hoping they’ll land in the right place”. There will probably always be the tendency for me to plan out their life in my head and want to plug them into holes in ministry. However, if I want people around for the long haul I need to create opportunities that fit them instead of using people just to accomplish “my agenda”. The funny thing is, at the end of the day, God still moves people on without asking my permission.